Why a mission?

Well it's been about 10 months now on a mission... it's been a while since I've had anything posted on my blog, or have even told much about my mission life at all. But I've been feeling lately like I need to share some things and open up about my hardships and some things that I have learned. So I'm sorry if this all is not what you'd like to hear or if you think I'm being negative and a wimp but I want to be real with you about my mission experience thus far, and maybe I can help some people out who are struggling as well. I'll try to have a positive vibe.

So... the mission... One of the biggest questions I've gotten on the mission, especially in my first 6 months was: "Is the mission like what you expected?" And let me tell you, I didn't really have any expectations, I wasn't really sure what it would be like, I mean I spent lots of time with missionaries before, I thought I was ready, but didn't know what to expect... But it definitely isn't anything like I could have thought it would be if I were to have expectations, it didn't meet any of them. And you may ask me why, what is different, what is it like then? Or "well what the heck did you think it would be like then?" But I don't really have too much of a solid answer for you on that one. All I know is that none of you returned missionaries fully explained how hard missions are! Which I see now is probably a good thing so sorry if I ruined it for anyone by telling you these things... But all I can say is I will never ever regret coming on a mission. So, I would never do this again although if anyone would have explained how hard it is I may not ever come but I will always be glad I went on a mission.
So now you may be asking "well, why is a mission so hard for you Sister Day?" Because we all know current or returned missionaries who just love or loved their missions so much who had the best 18-24 months of their lives and don't care as much about all their hardships because "they were all worth it." Well let me clarify, I don't hate the mission, nor do I hate being a missionary. But if you were to ask me if I loved being on a mission, I could not truthfully say yes, or even say I love being a missionary. I'm sorry for the negativity, but I just have to be honest, I will try to explain this all the best I can...

I've had a hard Mission so far not really because of hard circumstances, or hard companions or anything bad happening to me per se, but mainly because of my attitude and my stubborn unwillingness to submit my will to the Lord. I mean yes I know, missions are definitely hard, for everyone. But there are those who make it harder and more miserable than it could be... But yes everyone has hard times on their mission and anyone who tells you they didn't is lying. You have to wake up every day, follow a strict schedule, follow a strict set of rules, and not get much free time or time to rest. That in itself is hard, some days you just don't want to, but you have to. And then you have to spend your entire day, from roughly 10 a.m. - 9 p.m. with breaks for meals, finding something to do the fulfills this purpose:  "to invite others to come to Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end." So all day, every day, we are trying to find people to talk to, to teach and help feel the spirit. Of course yes, I do agree, what a cool calling this is! To be on the Lord's errand 24 - 7 for a year-and-a-half is super cool but after awhile, it kind of wears on you, because being a servant of the Lord doesn't come without the persecution in the reviling and the works of Satan trying to stop us. And yes we get persecuted, we had that terrible "Mormon missionary" stigma to us, no matter what kind of missionary you are. And then the people who truly know you, members, family, all expect and hope you to be perfect and obedient and strong, and positive. Especially our local leaders where we are serving. The pressure is always on. As the Lord's servant we are held to a higher standard. Through all this, just trying to help people, touch someone's heart, while trying to stay sane.

Through all my heartache on my mission, I think the biggest thing God has taught me through all of this is just: that life is full of trials, we are ALWAYS going to have trials. Most importantly he wants us to use him to get through them. And all he really wants, at least I think, is that he just wants you to be stronger and have unshaken faith. Which I don't think you can have unless your faith is truly tried. We can't appreciate the good without traveling through the hardest of times. Truly, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And that's what I'm finally starting to realize.   There is a poem common among missionaries that writes out my thoughts perfectly it's called quote highs and lows:

A mission is a strange experience
It is a trial and a test.
A mission throws at you the worst
Yet, teaches you the best.
I've never been so happy,
I've never been so depressed.
I've never felt so forsaken,
I've never felt so blessed.
I've never been so confused,
Things have never been so clear.
I've never felt my Heavenly Father so distant,
He's never been so near.
I've never been so discouraged,
I've never been so full of hope.
I feel I could go on for forever,
I think I've come to the end of my rope.
I've never had it quite so easy,
I've never had it quite so tough.
Things have never been so smooth,
Things have never been so rough.
I've never traveled through more valleys,
I've never ascended more peaks.
I've never met so many nice people.
I've never met so many freaks!
I've never had so many ups,
I've never had so many downs.
I've never worn so many smiles,
I've never had so many frowns.
I've never been so lonely,
I've never had so many friends.
BOY, I hope this is over soon,
GOSH, I hope this never ends.

 The first time I heard this poem I cried because it is so true and accurate I mostly just agreed with the "lows." But then I have realized yes there are so many of those lows on a mission, but it's true there are those "highs" and I have to keep that in mind. And this is why I will never regret coming on a mission because I have learned and rejoiced so much more than anything else I could have done in this life. For example,  I've had the privilege of being a part of three people's conversions and to go all the way up to their baptism by the priesthood authority of God in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These people who were once strangers to me became some of my most loved friends. I've been able to see so many other lives change as well through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As missionaries we get a front-row seat into seeing people's lives change, we see lots of the hard and then the joy. How sweet is our calling!

Through all of the great and through all the hard, I have learned what I feel is the true purpose of the mission. I mission is the time to be the most selfless you can be. But it's also time God is really focusing on and improving you.   I think one of the biggest reasons God wants young 18 to 20 year olds to go on missions is to improve and strengthen them through focusing on anyone but themselves. God sends us out here to try to help others come closer to him and decide other people's lives while he sneakily  just as equally is improving and helping the missionary.   God really COULD do this work all on his own. He honestly could, he technically doesn't need us. He can touch the heart at any time with the people he had chosen to be a part of the Kingdom. He can touch people by a visit to the temple, TV spot, a book from a friend, any of the ways people can be touched by God doesn't require missionaries. But he uses us. He requests us. He wants us. Because not only does he want us to go out and save his sons and daughters, but he wants us to be strong, faithful, and undaunted, he wants us to push harder than we ever have, so that we can grow more than we ever have.  We study the scriptures, words of the prophets and things of God-every day.  We teach by, think by, and feel by God's spirit.  Every day. How could we not grow closer to our Heavenly Father by doing this?
And if we follow God and become more Christlike, won't that just entirely improve us as people? Obviously we don't become PERFECT through a mission. But I guarantee you every missionary who comes home will be at least a little closer to God and little better as a person. We learn that Christ is real, and that he suffered for us. We have first hand experiences every day. This is one of the greatest things in life any person can ever come to know. This life - A said in the book of Mormon in Alma 34 vs 32: "this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men do perform their labors."  God needs brave sons and daughters. He holds our feet to the fire because that's how you make steel. We are being properly trained and taught in the gospel to prepare the world for the second coming of the Savior, and to prepare OURSELVES for the Savior.

So yes, some of my hardest and most depressing darkest moments of my life have been on my mission.  I've had a hard mission and through most of it haven't wanted to be here. And I missed my family more than you could imagine. Being away from your family, who are your best friends, missing a year and a half of your lives... But I know God is testing me to see if I will be faithful to him in tribulation (read Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9). I know God is forming me into the person he needs me to be, and that comes with "growing pains".

So I am so honored to be a full time serving to the Lord, I'm grateful to spend this time focused on him and my fellow brothers and sisters. I know that our Savior suffered for us, the heartache, sins, sadness, pain - everything for us. Look to him. His gospel Works. Use it, you will never regret it. I know missions work. I first came on and a mission because I wanted to help people, I wanted to share the gospel and help people. Because I know how much it has changed, helped and blessed me, and my family. I had seen so many people's lives change because of the Gospel. I wanted to do it full time, for so many more people. And some days, when you knock on 5 million doors and nobody answers, or you get yelled at through a door, or yelled at out of a car driving by or when people are just mean to you, and you feel like you haven't helped a single person that day... Those days I only stay for God. I am still here because I love and want to serve God. At least I'm trying. So you people who are not members of our church, have mercy on the "Mormon missionaries". Imagine if you thought you had the greatest cookie in the world, no cookie can compare. Wouldn't you want to go and share that? Give that recipe to everyone you know so that they can enjoy those amazing cookies? That's what missionaries are trying to do. We are trying to show unique message that can change and bless your life. We're not just "trying to get ya". Hear what they have to say, invite them in your home. Be their friends, even if your "good in your religion" at least hear what they have to share and help them. Members of the church, help and love the missionaries. We need you. Introduce them to your friends, family, feed them, help them, listen to them. We aren't perfect. God's work isn't for the missionaries. Be a member missionary. You make a difference. Serve your God. You won't regret it. God is good. Matthew 28:19 -20. Matthew 16:24.

--Sister Day :-)